A couple of days ago my aunt asked if I was nervous about moving abroad and I said no. That was, of course, a lie.
My whole life I’ve never really been open with others. Some days I blame it on astrology, pouring over my birth chart and shouting that the placement of the planets and stars are why I avoid sharing my true feelings. While I do think that’s partly true, the why isn’t as important as the how. How do I stop being so closed off and open myself up to others?
I’m moving abroad, hopefully to start a new life and meet new people. It’s going to be my first time living on my own in another country, and study abroad doesn’t count as much as people claim it does. I’m going to be in my own apartment, truly alone, and I want to meet people that I can share that new version of my life with. How can I expect to create long-lasting friendships, though, if I rarely let myself get past skin-deep emotions?
So this is me starting over, and trying to allow myself to enter a life full of Donna Sheridan experiences (aside from getting pregnant on an island in Greece). I am nervous, even terrified of moving to Korea. Somedays I think I’m making a mistake, leaving everyone I know behind to go live and work in a country where I barely know the language. I worry about whether or not I’ll be able to continue being vegan. I worry about whether or not I’ll actually hate living abroad. I worry constantly about my decision, but I’m also really excited. All of my worries might come true, but if they do I’d rather have lived and failed as opposed to stayed put and never known what the outcome might be.
I’m going to start sharing these fears with others, and if you’re anything like me, I hope you do too.
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